The Rumor Mill

by Young Clergy Women

For those who have not yet taken the plunge and joined the Young Clergy Women Project, our Ning group for YCW members allows for a confidential, password protected space to discuss issues and receive feedback from other YCW.

The following article, very appropriate for waiting mothers on this last day of Advent, comes directly from a Ning conversation and is posted here with permission of the authors.

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I've got to wear my absolute skinniest clothes to work today because I may have started the preggers rumor mill at my church. Thankfully, they are a good group and pretty healthy about boundaries, so this shouldn't get too weird. But, I thought this was a fairly hilarious ministry moment.

The background to this story is that I've got a preschooler and work at a church with multiple pastors including another associate with a 4 and a 2 year old. And, the church people would be more than delighted if I would get pregnant again. So would I, and we are WORKING on it, and it is proving to be a bit more difficult than it was with the near-oops first child.

So, we had a budget meeting last night, and at the end of the meeting, our treasurer told the pastors that we HAD to get our medical expenses for the year in for reimbursement by December 10 so that he can close the books on those accounts for the year. When we balked at this (how can we control when our expenses come in?), he told us to not pay anything until after the first of the year and put it on next year's. Then, even the head of staff got a little pissy and pointed out that we would lose our remaining expense account from this year and that was not fair. And I blurted out, "Yeah, and we have significant medical expenses coming in right now…" and as I'm realizing I shouldn't go into that more, God bless my wonderful head of staff who says, "This is probably more than this group needs to know, but we are contesting a bill and …" I think he was trying to save my butt because he knows what my expenses are.

One of the people who I do trust very much in that group motioned me over discretely after the meeting and said, "Are you pregnant?" And then I had to explain, nope, not so much.

But, I think it is the day to break out the super skinny clothes, which is somewhat of a challenge since I've put on 10 lbs this fall.

I am super grateful this morning that my church people are good and supportive, and thinking and praying about folks who are really struggling with fertility issues. And, I'm trying to live into the hilarity of the moment as well.

Anyway, it did get me wondering what are some of the other funny, not so funny, and everywhere in between stories people have about the preggers rumor mill at church?

The first young clergy woman to respond via the Ning community said:

"I am not pregnant yet; we are also working on it.

I think it is very funny how my whole parish is on belly watch, and they think they are being very subtle – with the glances at my belly and the "well, you might have kids soon", – but they really aren't. It's mostly sweet, but can be annoying, especially when we are trying and having difficulty. We have been married a year and a half now, so they are all waiting anxiously for the announcement. In Canada parents are entitled to a year of family leave, so their excitement is also heavily salted with the anxiety of being without me for a year, if I were to get pregnant."

Another response:

"Tell me about it! I feel like there are rumors from all sorts of people in my life –
my clergy colleagues and superiors have so often straight out asked me if I'm trying, or when I will be. The lay people in my parish are pretty good about those boundaries at present.

In my chaplaincy job a (non-chaplain) colleague just went on preventative leave very suddenly, which really upped the anxiety among the "women of childbearing age" (and the discussions about when, who is next, what it means for our jobs, etc).

But on a funny note–I'm currently honorary assistant in a parish where I did my internship. One of my VERY FIRST events there was a yard sale, where I bought a baby carrier for a then-pregnant friend. I spent the next month being TERRIFIED that the whole parish thought I was pregnant (and not married, and in my last year of seminary). Good for laughs now!"

What advice would you give to Young Clergy Women dealing with the church "rumor mill"?

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