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A decorative photo of a statue depicting a bare foot pushing off of a wave.Courtney Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Ten: Heroine Integrates the Masculine and Feminine

This devotional is the final installment in a series exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional ends with a blessing for the Heroine at that stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the ninth step when the Heroine learns how to assert their authority and expertise on their own terms.

In the tenth and final step of the journey, the Heroine recognizes and embodies the paradoxes of life with grace and humility: self and other, brokenness and wholeness, wildness and consistency, individuality and community, vulnerability and power. They appreciate the wondrous complexity of the world and move through it with confidence. Having been made, unmade, and remade, they understand the demands of transformation and how to guide others through the process toward healing and wholeness. 

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An image of a sculpture by Jun Kaneko, placed on sandy ground with a green hedge, trees, and the sky in the background. The sculpture is curved pillar of white stone, several feet tall, with a blue circle about three-quarters of the way up. The blue of the circle is bleeding down the statue.Courtney Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Nine: Heroine Heals the Wounded Masculine Within

This devotional is the ninth installment in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional ends with a blessing for the Heroine at that stage. In the previous post, we examined the eighth part of the journey where the Heroine reclaims and integrates their lost feminine aspects. 

A subsequent crisis or conflict emerges out of the initial crisis introduced in step six. To rise to meet this conflict, the Heroine makes peace with the masculine other within themself and the skills, strategies, and authority they learned in steps two and three. They renegotiate how to welcome the masculine into their life without being overwhelmed. The Heroine renews their drive to bring their passions into fruition and assert their expertise, authority, and wisdom.

An image of a sculpture by Jun Kaneko, placed on sandy ground with a green hedge, trees, and the sky in the background. The sculpture is curved pillar of white stone, several feet tall, with a blue circle about three-quarters of the way up. The blue of the circle is bleeding down the statue.

A sculpture by Jun Kaneko installed at the Portland Japanese Garden for his exhibit Garden of Resonance.

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A decorative image of a woman in an orange shirt and child in a pink shirt walking past Chicago's "Bean" sculpture, among other pedestrians.Brandon Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Eight: Heroine Heals the Mother/Daughter Split

This devotional is the eighth installment in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional ends with a blessing for the Heroine at that stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the seventh part of the journey where the Heroine focuses on redefining and reclaiming  themselves by examining their past, forming new relationships, and trying out new skills.

In this eighth step, the Heroine fully integrates the feminine aspects of themselves that were abandoned in childhood within the mature adult person that they are now. The Heroine reclaims the sanctity of their body, wisdom, creativity, intuition, and passion. They are delighted to see that these aspects of themselves have not remained childish, but have grown alongside them, in the dark. They establish a place for themselves within some lineage of feminine elders.

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A decorative image of a woman and a girl walking hand-in-hand down a dirt path in the woods on a sunny day. The woman has a colorful scarf.Brandon Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Seven: Heroine Urgently Yearns to Reconnect with the Feminine

This post is the seventh in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the sixth part of the journey where the Heroine is faced with a crisis that they do not have the capacity to avert. The crisis then turns the Heroine toward what they have lost along the way to establish themselves.

In this seventh step, the Heroine renegotiates their relationship to their own past so that they can reorient themselves to both their present and possible futures. They reconnect with younger versions of themselves (or younger versions of their feminine elders). They name and grieve the ways that their femininity has been wounded. They seek out new support, develop new skills, and try out new ways to approach the world so that they can figure out how to integrate their feminine aspects into their life as it is now. During this part of their journey, the Heroine may appear out-of-sorts as they are unable to exhibit the kind of composure they did before their crisis. 

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A decorative image featuring two young children leaning on a concrete barrier, looking out at a pond.Courtney R. Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Six: Initiation Crisis and Descent to the Goddess

This post is the sixth in what is a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the sixth part of the journey when a crisis turns the Heroine’s life and identity upside down.

 

The Heroine’s Journey

Part Six – Initiation Crisis and Descent to the Goddess

Some kind of crisis arrives in the Heroine’s life. The skills, strategies, and resources that the Heroine has accumulated throughout their life to this point are insufficient to meet the crisis. The Heroine is forced to travel light, so they “unmake” themselves: they leave behind old knowledge, old ways of doing things, old ways of identifying themselves as they journey further into their disorientation. In the midst of their turmoil, the Heroine meets the feminine elder that they only caught a glimpse of during the Boon of Success, Part Four of the Journey.

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A log is stuck in a river by a bridge, caught on a drop above a rapid.Courtney Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Five: The Heroine Awakens to Feelings of Spiritual Aridity

We have reached the halfway point in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional ends with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the fourth part of the journey where the Heroine is enjoying the fruits of their accomplishments, but also is holding at bay the suspicion that their success is not what it appears. 

The Heroine’s Journey;

Part Five – The Heroine Awakens to Feelings of Spiritual Aridity  Read more

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Two women, shown from the shoulders down, one in a white robe with a stole in white, blue, and yellow, and one in a black and brown striped dress, stand beside each other, holding a service program.Image provided by Courtney R. Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Four: Experiencing the Boon of Success

This post is the fourth in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the third part of the journey where the Heroine has had to prove themself and their learning against challengers and obstacles. They experience triumph and continue in their journey.

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Four: Experiencing the Boon of Success 

Now that the Heroine has overcome the adversity standing in the way of their fulfillment, they have entered what I call the Uncanny Valley of Success. Here the Heroine feels both a sense of achievement and uneasiness about the role or position that they have attained. It is as if the success that they have been taught to value is not what it appears. Often some kind of feminine elder will kindle their feelings of misgiving. The Heroine can sense that the pursuit of the truth will be costly, so they hold their suspicions at bay.

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The Heroine’s Journey, Part 3- Road of Trials: Meeting Ogres and Dragons

This post is the third in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the second part of the journey where the Heroine enters into a process of formation as determined by the external “other” that the Heroine hopes will overwhelm their pesky femininity.

 

The Heroine’s Journey;

Part Three – Road of Trials: Meeting Ogres and Dragons

Now the Heroine must prove their skills, knowledge, and relationships against the hardships of the world–necessary work in order to develop ego and character. Challengers draw near to keep them from their chosen path. When the Heroine has triumphed over their trials and adversaries, they gain reputation, status, empowerment, and confidence. Alongside their external success, the Heroine believes that they have secured the other to their identity and no longer have to fear being deficient or inferior.

 

Personal Story

There is one photo of me that best encapsulates this phase of my life, when I was both establishing my family and endeavoring to establish my career. It was taken at a synodical continuing education event that I was attending in order to network, to keep my face out there, and make sure that I wasn’t forgotten or discarded. I was two years into a search for my first call and the ordination that would go with it. Though it is not visible in the photo, I was pregnant with my second child, which meant that I felt gross in my own skin and my back ached. 

I knew I was being photographed that day. I remember being annoyed about it even as it was happening, because I recognized what was unfolding. I recognized it because a classmate from seminary, a person of color, had shared with me when this had happened to him. They were taking photos of me because I was young and female, and they needed more diversity for their website. I was being gobbled up by the insatiable content monster that lurks in so many aspects of modern life. Yet I understood that the photographer had no way to know I was not ensconced in a congregation or some other ministry setting. He was doing his job just as I was doing what needed to be done.  Read more

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The Heroine’s Journey, Part Two: Identification with the Masculine and Gathering of Allies

This post is the second in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the  previous post, we examined the first part of the journey where the Heroine learns to distrust or belittle her own femininity because she fears it means she is weak or bad.

The Heroine’s Journey

Part Two – Identification with the Masculine and Gathering of Allies

The Heroine has shifted away from their feminine self and is now intent on constructing an identity informed by the external “other.” This is most often accomplished by aligning themselves with a father figure and/or by stepping into a traditionally masculine role.  Once the Heroine has been established with the mentor or is in the place that will cultivate them, they either gear “up to ‘fight’ an organization/role/group that is limiting [their] life options, or [enter] some masculine/dominant-identity defined sphere” through study, training, making friends, and building alliances.

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The Heroine’s Journey and A Life of Feminine Ministry Devotional

This spring will mark the ten year anniversary of my graduation from seminary. If I had had to guess what course my ministry life would have taken over these ten years, I would have been wrong. So wrong. As of the writing of this article, I have been considered by about two dozen ministries. From those, I have received one offer of call, which I accepted and from where I was ordained. I have the ignominious achievement of having been looking for a call longer than I’ve actually been in one. Heaven knows that I’ve introduced my own complexities to the situation. I own those. I just never imagined that they would be so nearly insurmountable. It has not escaped my notice that they are all rather feminine in nature – children bearing and caring and being the non-breadwinning spouse. Somedays, having persevered through so much rejection, it feels like a real miracle that I am still here, in faith.

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