A Review of Sheryl Sandberg’s “Lean In: Women, Work, and the Will to Lead”

Post Author: Kelly Boubel Shriver

One of the most indelible memories Sesame Street has left in my mind is that of the letter and number of the day.  I loved, “Today’s episode is brought to you by the letter Q and the number 12.”  As a child I always longed for the day the episode would be brought to you by the letter K.  As I sat down to read and review “Lean In” by Sheryl Sandberg, this memory of Sesame Street came to mind.  I felt like I should begin this piece with the bold and italicized statement: “This Review brought to you by my husband, John!”  In fact, I feel like most all of my sermons and ministry should carry this pronouncement.  Boldly.  Front and center.  We are the pastors and people we are because of the love and support of those around us: our spouses, children, coworkers, friends, parents, and family.  I think one of the reasons I enjoyed Sandberg’s book was simply because she is aware of the fact that none of us is an island.  We can work together to promote our collective best; we can lean in to create change.

A lot has been said about Sandberg and her claims in “Lean In.”  There are formal book reviews, some negative reviews (although they are few and far between, I’ve found), and even reviews from a pastoral perspective; you can read all about the details of her book elsewhere.  What interested me, in both reading and reflecting upon her book, is the place of leaning in when it comes to the life of a pastor.

Now, on the surface there are quite a few differences between Sandberg’s job as the COO of Facebook and my job as the solo pastor of a small church in Michigan.  I don’t make the kind of salary Sandberg makes and I certainly don’t have thousands of employees reporting to me.  My tiny church would probably fit into a conference room at Facebook.  But, at the same time, pastors actually have quite a bit in common with those who serve in the “C-Suite.”  We, for the most part, both enjoy a flexible schedule: pediatrician appointment on Tuesday at 10am?  No problem!  But, we also enjoy jobs that have no off hours: “Sure, I’d love to come visit you in the hospital during my maternity leave.  Yep, I know the way.  I gave birth there 48 hours ago.”  We run our organizations, be they 15 or 1500 members, overseeing details ranging from the care of souls at the time of death to child protection policies to plunging toilets and changing light bulbs.  The buck stops with the COO…the buck stops with the pastor.  As pastors, we are the CEOs, COOs, and CFOs of our churches.  And, as women pastors, many of us know a thing or two about discrimination in the workplace.  After all, we serve in one of the only professions where it is legal to discriminate based on gender.

The most significant disconnect I felt with Sandberg was over the “corporate ladder,” or, as she puts it, “the jungle gym.”  On one hand, I liked the image of a career path being a “jungle gym” where we might move up, down, laterally, or upside down in pursuit of a career we find challenging, fulfilling, and exciting.  One the other hand, the idea of the “ladder” or “jungle gym” still carries a whiff of success and prestige as a goal in the career game.  As pastors, I think it’s natural to desire success, prestige, and even the larger paychecks of the tall steeple church jobs, but we also believe in this pesky idea of call.  At a really fundamental level, we believe that God has something to do with the places we are called to serve.  Although humans and sin enter that hiring process (I was once denied an interview because the church did not believe a mother could serve as a pastor), the fundamental idea of call can feel like it’s in conflict with “prestige” when some of us are truly called to serve small churches that may close their doors.  And so, there was some cognitive dissonance for me as I read Sandberg’s book.  I wondered, what does it mean to “lean in” to a call, especially if that call is to a struggling congregation?  It doesn’t look like leaving Google to work at Facebook.

But, at the same time, I think Sandberg is inviting all of us, women and men, in any field, into a much bigger conversation.  It’s a conversation about equality, at work, at home, in our marriages, and in our worldview.  I’m writing this review in my living room, which my husband, John, vacuumed this afternoon.  I’m able to write because the baby is asleep next to me; John rocked him from infant fury to passed out sleep in less than 10 minutes.  John is now busy in the kitchen, making something delicious for dinner (I think it involves trout), and entertaining our toddler.  It’s not that I’m married to some kind of saint (although there are days John might argue for this…), or that I’m the only one who works to earn an income (we both work full time), it’s simply that John lives up to the best of what Sheryl Sandberg encourages: he leans in at home, taking on at least half of the chores and work, so that I can be free to lean in at work, and vice versa.  I am grateful for his love and support every, single day.  For me, it’s entirely true what Sandberg says: the most important career choice I ever made was marrying John.  I am the pastor, mother, partner, friend, daughter, and person I am today in large part because of who he is in my life.  And I think this is true for all of us, whether we’re married or single, parents or not.  The people we surround ourselves with, our support structure, they will be the single most important (human) factor in whether we succeed or fail.

Throughout the book, Sandberg is very intentional about keeping her arguments and statistics general more so than individual.  She’s not trying to make individual women feel guilty for not “leaning in,” or put pressure on an individual family.  Instead, Sandberg is inviting all of us, collectively, to create change by together seeking to change the way things work.  She invites men and women to lean in to their careers, to lean in at home, and to walk together toward equality.  The whole book is full of “not a perfect answer but a means to a desirable end”.  It’s as if Sandberg is offering us “hacks,” little tips and tricks, to help all of us accomplish this desirable end when we will simply be pastors and not female pastors.  She acknowledges the stereotypes that exist around women, and hopes that we will move beyond them, but she is realistic about the fact that they exist.  There’s a pragmatism to her suggestions, a pragmatism I can relate to.

I find that ministry is full of the constant game of desire versus reality.  We often wish our churches had more people in them, more money, more biblical literacy, more…but the reality is that we serve the people we are called to serve.  They’re not perfect, and neither are we.  The beauty of call is that we can create change where we are.  We can lean in to our calling, and Sandberg contributes a positive voice in this conversation.  She cheers us on, encouraging each of us to be the very best pastor we can possibly be for the people we serve.  I love the question she asks, “What would I do if I weren’t afraid?”  It sort of reminds me of Jesus.

It reminds me of Jesus appearing on the water to the disciples, who have been tossed around in the stormy sea.  Jesus walks over on the water and the first thing he says is, “It’s me.  Do not be afraid.”  We are steering our little boats on stormy seas: seas tossed by gender disparity, shrinking church populations, and diminishing church budgets.  Sometimes, I feel afraid.  But what Sandberg reminds me of is the power of the gospel hope: “what would I do if I weren’t afraid?”  We need not be afraid.  It’s Jesus.  Christ has called us to this ministry of Word and Sacrament.  Christ has called us to our churches, our homes, our families, our very bodies.  So, let’s lean in to the calls we have been given.  The callings to preach and teach, to love God’s people, to administer the sacraments, and to seek justice.  And let’s lean in, as the women (and men) God has created us to be.  Be not afraid: lean in.

The Rev. Kelly Boubel Shriver serves a Presbyterian Church (USA) congregation in Michigan, and also happens to love family, food, games, books, dogs, ducks, and all manner of other community-creating joys.