Ask a YCW: Baptism Edition

Dear Askie,

Six months ago, my wife and I were blessed with our first child, a beautiful baby boy. We want to have our son baptized at our church, but our pastor is making things difficult. She keeps saying that the baptism needs to be on Sunday morning during the regular service, but that doesn’t really work well with our family. We wanted to have the baptism on a Saturday afternoon, so that we could have just family and a few invited friends there, and take them all to a celebratory dinner afterwards. Our pastor says she won’t do a private baptism, only one during Sunday church. How do I explain to her that it would be so much nicer and more intimate for our family to have a private ceremony? We’ve offered to let her pick the time on Saturday, and we’re more than happy to pay any costs, but she still won’t agree. How do I get her to stop being so unreasonable?

Sincerely,
Frustrated Dad

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open suitcase on a beach with beach gear inside

Ask a YCW: Vacation Edition

open suitcase on a beach with beach gear inside

 

Dear Askie,

I’m a solo pastor, and as summer approaches, people have been asking me what I’m doing for vacation this year. I know everyone says vacation is important for pastors, and I have vacation time included in my terms of call, but it seems like any week I’d want to be away, I would miss something important at the church. Plus, preparing for vacation is just so much work! With arranging pulpit supply, and getting bulletins ready in advance, and finding someone to cover pastoral care, it just sometimes seems easier to stay here. If it’s so much work to go on vacation, is it really worth it?

Signed,
Too Tired to Take Time

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Ask a YCW: Dating While Ordained Edition

Dear Askie,

I’m a young clergy woman, starting out in my first call. I’m single, and thinking about jumping back into the dating world now that I’m settled in my new location. I’m worried, though, that it might be a bit weird dating now that I’m a pastor. How will potential dates react when they find out? Should I say I’m a pastor in an online dating profile, or wait to tell people once we’ve actually met? Am I overthinking this?

Signed,
Solo Pastor Seeking to be Less Solo

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Ask a YCW: Discernment Edition

Dear Askie,

I’m currently a senior in college, trying to figure out what I’m going to do next. I think I might be called into ministry, but I’m not really sure. How do I know if God is really calling me or not? If I am called, what are the steps I need to take? What advice do you have for me?

Sincerely,

A future Young Clergy Woman?

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Ask a YCW: Retired Minister Edition

pews askie dec 2016

Dear Askie,

I’m a recently retired minister, and the church that my wife and I attend recently called a young clergy woman as the pastor. She is recently ordained, and this is her first call. Any advice for how I can support our new pastor (while also adjusting to my new place in the pews instead of the pulpit)?

Signed,
Retired and Looking Forward to Pew-Sitting

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Lattice Pie being held by someone in an apron

Ask a Young Clergy Woman: Potluck Edition

Lattice Pie being held by someone in an apronDear Askie,

Every month, our church has a potluck lunch after worship. It’s a great time of fellowship, with lots of delicious food. Every family brings something to share, but our pastor doesn’t. She comes to the potlucks, but she never brings anything. Our previous pastor always brought such delicious pies—his wife was famous for them! Shouldn’t our pastor contribute to these community meals? How can I get her to cook something?

Sincerely,
the Congregation’s Appointed Kitchen Elder

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Black silhouettes of a female and a male arguing on a grayscale background

Ask a Young Clergy Woman: Haters Gonna Hate Edition

Black silhouettes of a female and a male arguing on a grayscale backgroundDear Askie,

I recently found myself in a tricky situation, and thought you might have helpful perspective on it. A while ago, I got together with some old high school friends and their significant others. One old friend has become a young clergywoman, which I think is great, although I identify as atheist. Yay for religious people being non-oppressive and feminist and stuff! However, the other friend’s spouse made repeated negative comments about religion and religious people. The person making the comments had experienced a lot of trauma at the hands of people who claimed to have been acting in the name of God (both spouses are LGBTQ). My clergy friend was very gracious, but the exchange still made me very uncomfortable. I tried to change the subject a few times, but I’ve been wondering if there was any other useful way I could have helped diffuse that situation or made my YCW friend feel more supported. I try to be an ally to religious folks, just like I try to be an ally to the LGBTQ community, but as a young professional in a left-leaning city, I hear anti-religious sentiments much more often than I hear homophobic ones, and I don’t always know what to say. What advice do you have about how I could have supported my friend? What I can say when people talk smack about religion?

Thanks,
Your Friendly Atheist Ally

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Ask a Young Clergy Woman: Inked Edition

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Dear Askie,

I’m in my first call as a Presbyterian minister. My congregation is a small, wonderful group of folks, mostly older, all over the theological spectrum, who do great work with hunger ministries and refugee ministries. I’ve been thinking about getting a tattoo, and I’m worried about what they would think about it – it would be something that’s of personal religious significance to me, but not obviously religious. If having a tattoo would be a huge impediment to my ministry, I’d like to take that into consideration. But I’m just not sure, and I don’t want to ask my congregation because I don’t want them to think that they get to make the decision for me. Most of the people I go to for ministry advice are folks of a certain generation, ones I fear might have a knee-jerk reaction to a question about being a pastor with a tattoo. What would you do?

Sincerely,
Rev. Blank Canvas

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feet of newborn - Caucasian

Ask a Young Clergy Woman: Taking Your (Maternity) Leave Edition

feet of newborn - Caucasian

Newborn feet – fearfully and wonderfully made!

Dear Askie,

I’m preparing for the arrival of my first child (a girl!) in September. My congregation is very excited about my pregnancy, but I’m not sure they really “get it” about maternity leave. I have six weeks of paid maternity leave, and am extending that by using two weeks of vacation time. The problem is that I keep hearing people mention things that they assume I’ll still do while I’m on maternity leave. Congregants say things like “Oh, you’ll be on maternity leave then, so I’ll just email you,” or that I’m welcome to bring the baby along to the Fall Festival (three weeks after my due date, so I’ll definitely be out). I’ve also heard a lot of comments about how great it is that the church is being so generous to give me maternity leave, and it’s hard to know how to respond. At the same time, these folks are so sweet and so kind, and so excited to have a new baby at our church – they’re knitting blankets, making sure that the nursery meets my needs, and I think they’re even planning a surprise baby shower (someone let the secret slip). How do I navigate this new phase of life and ministry?

Expectant Pastor

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Marmot tent lit up at night

Ask a Young Clergy Woman: Traveling Pastor Edition

Marmot tent lit up at nightDear Askie,

Our pastor is part of your Young Clergy Women Project organization. She’s going to your conference this summer, which I think is great. The problem is that I just heard that she’s also planning on taking two weeks of vacation this summer, and I think she also took a week of vacation in the winter. I guess I’m confused. Doesn’t that make four weeks of vacation, and don’t people normally just get two? She also seems to take a lot of time off of work – often when I call the church she isn’t there, and I don’t think she’s ever been in on any Monday I’ve called. Askie, can you help me understand what’s going on? I thought pastors are supposed to work a lot, so what gives?

Thanks,
Confused Congregant

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