Long-Distance Relationship
Post Author: Alex Hendrickson
Our friendship grew slowly. We began by meeting monthly at a chain restaurant near the highway; at a half-way point between our two homes. Eventually, I coaxed her into buying her first cell phone. Soon we were chatting daily. My first trip out of my house after a dramatic surgery involved her taking me to lunch and to a local bookstore.
When my ministry and my spouse’s professional life moved us first fifteen hundred and then twenty-four hundred miles away, I worried that our friendship would wane. But God’s Spirit continues to flourish in our relationship. We talk multiple times a day on the phone. Our families spend vacation time together. My children refer to her as their “auntie” and to her husband as “uncle.” Plans are underway for a European vacation to celebrate a milestone birthday she will mark in a few years’ time.
Culturally, it seems that women are not encouraged to maintain deep bonds of affection with other women. As a young clergy woman serving in a setting where gender is still a much-remarked upon issue, I cannot imagine maintaining my vocation without the support of my friend and all the dear colleagues I know through the Young Clergy Women Project. I know two women in their early twenties; one is a first-year seminarian and the other is beginning an internship with a parachurch organization. Both women are gifted, intelligent, and faithful and hold creative minds. They both have a true zeal for the Gospel message. My advice to these women and others like them – find a friend. Find a friend who shares your vocation and lean on each other for love and support. Pray for one another. Pray with one another. Help each other. Find a friend.
One of the vows I took when ordained as a minister in my denomination says this: “Will you be a friend among your colleagues in ministry, working with them, subject to the ordering of God’s Word and Spirit?” At the time I eagerly assented to these words with the requisite “I will”, I had no idea just how essential this vow would become in my life. This work we have, work blessed and ordained by our Savior, Jesus Christ, can chew you up and spit you out. You need others to help you; you can’t go it alone.
Early in our friendship, my friend and I went on retreat together at a desert monastery. Late one evening, we ventured out to some tennis courts located on the grounds. We lay back on the concrete courts and looked up at the stars twinkling above the desert night. I don’t remember what we talked about as the heat from the ground soaked up into our skin. I just remember that we were there. Together.
This is so moving and true. Thank you for speaking the truth about love in/and friendship.
I remember that week in Austin’s Interim Ministry Education well and the lasting impression this friendship made on the teaching team. Blessings to both of you. And, I concur, since I also have two of these friendships. They are the balm in Gilead.
Flying to Wisconsin in two weeks to do just this- be together. You couldn’t be more right.
BFFdom is undaunted by distance and geography! Ain’t no Mountain high enough! Ain’t no Valley far away enough! Ain’t no airfare costly enough!
Wonderful article. Need to call my BF in ministry and life today…
This. is. stunning.
Oh, Alex, this is wonderful. I love this. You put into words how I feel about my dear friends in Christ. Thank you.