The Heroine’s Journey, Part Seven: Heroine Urgently Yearns to Reconnect with the Feminine

Post Author: Pastor Courtney R. Young

This post is the seventh in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the sixth part of the journey where the Heroine is faced with a crisis that they do not have the capacity to avert. The crisis then turns the Heroine toward what they have lost along the way to establish themselves.

In this seventh step, the Heroine renegotiates their relationship to their own past so that they can reorient themselves to both their present and possible futures. They reconnect with younger versions of themselves (or younger versions of their feminine elders). They name and grieve the ways that their femininity has been wounded. They seek out new support, develop new skills, and try out new ways to approach the world so that they can figure out how to integrate their feminine aspects into their life as it is now. During this part of their journey, the Heroine may appear out-of-sorts as they are unable to exhibit the kind of composure they did before their crisis. 

On an Autumn Hike

Personal Story 

Years ago I had bought a copy of Dance of the Dissident Daughter by Sue Monk Kidd, but had never read it. It had never felt like the right time. While on leave from pastoral call during the 2020-2021 school year, while I managed a 1st and 2nd grader at home, and I felt reduced to little more than a utilitarian necessity, I decided that it was time to pick it up. Most nights before bed, I read two or three pages. I was too weary to manage more than that. It took me months to finish.

When I started reading, it was as if I was crawling on all fours through each paragraph, each page. As Monk Kidd learned how to name her woundedness, I gained enough strength to limp instead of crawl. As she learned how to love her anger, I found myself settling into a comfortable walking gait. By the time I finished the book and read that the feminine journey is to become the beloved partner of transformation, somedays I wondered if this is what it felt like to walk on clouds.

Immediately after finishing Dissident Daughter, I read Falling Upwards by Richard Rohr. Though these two authors had been writing at least a decade removed from one another, the synergy between the transformations that they were describing was breathtaking. It was like Rohr was laying out the broad strokes of mature integration and Monk Kidd was handing over the map, complete with commentary, for those walking a feminine path. Rohr drew on wisdom from the story of Odysseus, and Monk Kidd drew on the myth of Ariadne. In the way the insights of these authors reinforced each other like individual notes locking into one chord, I heard the steadfastness of God say, “I’ve never been far. Keep going.”

Swept up into the dance of their words and wisdom together, like my heart was being taught a new rhythm to beat, I finally found the courage to ask the question that I actually needed to ask. Not Why couldn’t I get a call?, but If I am the person I am because I have been shaped by the abiding love and engagement of God, then how have I ended up here? That question was my wound and thus my portal to wholeness. 

Narrative Example

Looking again at the movies of Frozen 1 and 2, Captain Marvel, and the three Kung Fu Panda movies, let’s explore how the Heroines reconnect to their past and identify their wounds. There will be spoilers.

Elsa reaches the magic forest where she meets the elemental spirits, her mother’s people, and her father’s people who were left behind. She discovers that her power to freeze and thaw has deeper implications. She is able to reveal memories embedded into the landscape by freezing the nearby water. The memories that she sees forces her to reevaluate her parents. She learns that her mother is a member of the Northuldra people. Elsa also discovers that her mother had taken a shine to her father when they met at children, and that her mother left her people to watch over him. As they grew up, they fell in love and got married. Unbeknownst to everyone around them, their marriage was not only a union between two people, but also two peoples. At the wreckage of her parents’ ship, Elsa sees that her parents suspected her powers were some kind of gift that could bring healing and peace. They died trying to understand the source of Elsa’s power and how they could help her mature into the magnificent person they knew she was. She feels the loss of her parents anew: all the things they didn’t get the chance to pass on to her. She knows that she must finish what they started.

Vers manages to get a hold of the storage device with the memories the Skrull extracted from her. She is only able to see a few images due to her damaged equipment, but does catch the name of a bar. She decides to begin her search there. When she walks into the bar, Vers catches whispers of memories from all the good times she spent there with her best friend, Maria. S.H.I.E.L.D. agent Nick Fury catches up with her there. Since they both need to figure out what is going on with the Skrull, they decide to team up. The next place they visit is the base where Dr. Lawson worked on the Pegasus Project to develop a light speed technology that would end all wars. While there, they are able to recover not only Dr. Lawson’s notes on the project, but also a file about the crash that ended it. With these two documents in her possession, Vers realizes that she is not Kree, but human; Dr. Lawson is not human, but Kree; and Vers’  commander has been lying to her about her past. Vers didn’t just appear out of nowhere, but had a life before she lost her memories. Vers and Fury escape the base with Dr. Lawson’s “cat” by stealing a plane. It is the first plane that Vers has flown since her crash.  

Po wakes up and finds himself in a small hut being treated for his injuries by the soothsayer. She confesses to Po that she is the one who predicted that Lord Shen would be stopped by a panda, and her prediction unintentionally brought devastation to the pandas here. She reveals that they are in the ruins of the village where Po was born. As Po looks around to take in his surroundings, he begins to remember his early childhood, and he realizes that the mental disruptions that he’s been attempting to manage are not nightmares, but memories. He remembers his mother, father, and the rest of his family. He remembers the happy and peaceful life they lived before Lord Shen came. He even unearths the stuffed panda toy that he played with as a baby. Looking around the ruined village, reconnecting to his past, he realizes that he has been shaped by the loss of this community.

Blessing for the Heroine

Ah, to be vernal and tender and sprouting again. To have free hands and wide eyes and another chance. My humble Heroine, whoever told you that you only grow up once? They lied.

Look around you. There are more things to reclaim and gather up than your power alone. See, over there, the open ended questions glistening? Smell the unsettled histories? Notice how they become more fragrant when you press on them a bit. See the impending possibilities just beginning to bud? Soak it all up. Take it in. Breathe.

You may take from here whatever stirs up your spirit, your imagination, your heart. But also remember that you can’t live your life with your hands full of odds and ends. You’ll have to figure out where those things can be settled. And don’t you worry: now that you’ve found your way back here, you’ll know how to return whenever you need it.