A decorative image of a woman and a girl walking hand-in-hand down a dirt path in the woods on a sunny day. The woman has a colorful scarf.Brandon Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Seven: Heroine Urgently Yearns to Reconnect with the Feminine

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This post is the seventh in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the sixth part of the journey where the Heroine is faced with a crisis that they do not have the capacity to avert. The crisis then turns the Heroine toward what they have lost along the way to establish themselves.

In this seventh step, the Heroine renegotiates their relationship to their own past so that they can reorient themselves to both their present and possible futures. They reconnect with younger versions of themselves (or younger versions of their feminine elders). They name and grieve the ways that their femininity has been wounded. They seek out new support, develop new skills, and try out new ways to approach the world so that they can figure out how to integrate their feminine aspects into their life as it is now. During this part of their journey, the Heroine may appear out-of-sorts as they are unable to exhibit the kind of composure they did before their crisis. 

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A decorative image featuring two young children leaning on a concrete barrier, looking out at a pond.Courtney R. Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Six: Initiation Crisis and Descent to the Goddess

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This post is the sixth in what is a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the sixth part of the journey when a crisis turns the Heroine’s life and identity upside down.

 

The Heroine’s Journey

Part Six – Initiation Crisis and Descent to the Goddess

Some kind of crisis arrives in the Heroine’s life. The skills, strategies, and resources that the Heroine has accumulated throughout their life to this point are insufficient to meet the crisis. The Heroine is forced to travel light, so they “unmake” themselves: they leave behind old knowledge, old ways of doing things, old ways of identifying themselves as they journey further into their disorientation. In the midst of their turmoil, the Heroine meets the feminine elder that they only caught a glimpse of during the Boon of Success, Part Four of the Journey.

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A woman with light skin and long dark hair stands in front of mountains and sky, breathing.Adobe Stock

Reflections on Incarnation in this Season of Advent

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The familiar faces of my parishioners occupy the screen before me as I sit on my zafu, a cushion Buddhists often use while doing a seated meditation called Zazen. I started this weekly meditation group within months of my arrival at Christ Episcopal Church almost six years ago. It is modeled loosely on a recovery meeting I attended throughout my early twenties at the San Francisco Zen Center. When the Bay Area issued its shelter-in-place orders in March 2020, we started gathering remotely, which we continue to do to this day.  Read more

A log is stuck in a river by a bridge, caught on a drop above a rapid.Courtney Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Five: The Heroine Awakens to Feelings of Spiritual Aridity

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We have reached the halfway point in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional ends with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the fourth part of the journey where the Heroine is enjoying the fruits of their accomplishments, but also is holding at bay the suspicion that their success is not what it appears. 

The Heroine’s Journey;

Part Five – The Heroine Awakens to Feelings of Spiritual Aridity  Read more

The words "Starting a New Call: A Top 10 List of Dos and Don'ts" appear in neon lettering against a background with a white hand holding a dandelion against a blue sky.Katie Callaway

Starting a New Call: A Top 10 List of Dos and Don’ts

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The words "Starting a New Call: A Top 10 List of Dos and Don'ts" appear in neon lettering against a background with a white hand holding a dandelion against a blue sky.

  1. Pace yourself. You are going to be tempted to go, go, go. Don’t give in to the temptation. It’s a marathon, not a sprint. 

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Two women, shown from the shoulders down, one in a white robe with a stole in white, blue, and yellow, and one in a black and brown striped dress, stand beside each other, holding a service program.Image provided by Courtney R. Young

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Four: Experiencing the Boon of Success

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This post is the fourth in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the third part of the journey where the Heroine has had to prove themself and their learning against challengers and obstacles. They experience triumph and continue in their journey.

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Four: Experiencing the Boon of Success 

Now that the Heroine has overcome the adversity standing in the way of their fulfillment, they have entered what I call the Uncanny Valley of Success. Here the Heroine feels both a sense of achievement and uneasiness about the role or position that they have attained. It is as if the success that they have been taught to value is not what it appears. Often some kind of feminine elder will kindle their feelings of misgiving. The Heroine can sense that the pursuit of the truth will be costly, so they hold their suspicions at bay.

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The words "A Pastor in the Real World: An experiment in making meaning" in black text in front of a background of a typical board room, with a dark brown wooden table, black chairs, and white walls.Katie Callaway

A Pastor in the Real World

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The words "A Pastor in the Real World: An experiment in making meaning" in black text in front of a background of a typical board room, with a dark brown wooden table, black chairs, and white walls.

For years I have joked about what I would do with my life if this ministry thing didn’t work out. As with all jokes, there has always been a part to it that is tragic and true. In February of this year, I swore off congregational ministry. As a pastor, I experienced a type of trauma and pain that I never could have predicted. I did not want to put myself in a situation where that level of pain could be experienced again. In the throes of my grief, I couldn’t imagine a world in which I would open myself up again to love and inevitably be hurt by a congregation. 

As soon as I typed my resignation letter, I was looking for jobs in the real world — the world that felt so foreign after 10 years of congregational ministry, the world that so many of my peers inhabited on a daily basis, the world where employees were protected by legislation that would not allow what happened to me in the church to happen elsewhere. What could I do? Where would I fit? How could I repackage my qualifications to be relevant to the real world? My 3 1/2 degrees in theology did not appear on the surface to translate well to other fields.  Read more

The words "Good Friday Collaborative" in a font with various sized lettering appear in purple above a faded background of dry, cracked soil, with a few green leaves growing from one crack.Rev. Sara Nave Fisher

A Ministry of Ending

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Would we close? Or could we keep going? 

It was the question that occupied my mind as I drove to meet with a denominational leader about my congregation. And it was the question that came at me from every side as I began my ministry as a solo pastor of an urban congregation in St. Louis, Missouri, just a month after my graduation from seminary. Though I had led a congregation to a merger as a student pastor, I still wasn’t equipped to answer this question. Nobody had mentioned the financial strain, the community members’ fatigue, and the denominational push-pull the congregation had been through for the years preceding my arrival. 

It had taken months for me to land this face-to-face meeting with the one person in my denominational structure with the authority to decide my congregation’s fate. 

Would we close? Or could we keep going? Read more

The Heroine’s Journey, Part 3- Road of Trials: Meeting Ogres and Dragons

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This post is the third in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the previous post, we examined the second part of the journey where the Heroine enters into a process of formation as determined by the external “other” that the Heroine hopes will overwhelm their pesky femininity.

 

The Heroine’s Journey;

Part Three – Road of Trials: Meeting Ogres and Dragons

Now the Heroine must prove their skills, knowledge, and relationships against the hardships of the world–necessary work in order to develop ego and character. Challengers draw near to keep them from their chosen path. When the Heroine has triumphed over their trials and adversaries, they gain reputation, status, empowerment, and confidence. Alongside their external success, the Heroine believes that they have secured the other to their identity and no longer have to fear being deficient or inferior.

 

Personal Story

There is one photo of me that best encapsulates this phase of my life, when I was both establishing my family and endeavoring to establish my career. It was taken at a synodical continuing education event that I was attending in order to network, to keep my face out there, and make sure that I wasn’t forgotten or discarded. I was two years into a search for my first call and the ordination that would go with it. Though it is not visible in the photo, I was pregnant with my second child, which meant that I felt gross in my own skin and my back ached. 

I knew I was being photographed that day. I remember being annoyed about it even as it was happening, because I recognized what was unfolding. I recognized it because a classmate from seminary, a person of color, had shared with me when this had happened to him. They were taking photos of me because I was young and female, and they needed more diversity for their website. I was being gobbled up by the insatiable content monster that lurks in so many aspects of modern life. Yet I understood that the photographer had no way to know I was not ensconced in a congregation or some other ministry setting. He was doing his job just as I was doing what needed to be done.  Read more

The Heroine’s Journey, Part Two: Identification with the Masculine and Gathering of Allies

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This post is the second in what will be a series of ten exploring the kinship between the Heroine’s Journey as established by Maureen Murdock, my lived experience of ministry as a female clergy person, and a few familiar fictional characters. Each devotional will end with a blessing for the Heroine at each stage of the journey. In the  previous post, we examined the first part of the journey where the Heroine learns to distrust or belittle her own femininity because she fears it means she is weak or bad.

The Heroine’s Journey

Part Two – Identification with the Masculine and Gathering of Allies

The Heroine has shifted away from their feminine self and is now intent on constructing an identity informed by the external “other.” This is most often accomplished by aligning themselves with a father figure and/or by stepping into a traditionally masculine role.  Once the Heroine has been established with the mentor or is in the place that will cultivate them, they either gear “up to ‘fight’ an organization/role/group that is limiting [their] life options, or [enter] some masculine/dominant-identity defined sphere” through study, training, making friends, and building alliances.

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