The Prophetic Role of Pastor Moms

Post Author: The Rev. Elaine Murray

“I don’t know how you do it!” they often say with exasperation and awe in their voice. Admiring onlookers into the mom life watch their pastor – their spiritual leader – change diapers, juggle food and feelings of little ones and teenagers alike, all while preparing for Bible study, lending a presence to the sick and suffering, and making ardent points in the finance meetings of the church. “Not all heroes wear capes!” she says with a chuckle and moves on to the next item demanding her thoughtful attention and spiritual readiness. 

While it is often meant in beneficence and jest as a word of validation and cheerleading, what if we were to pause and wonder at this question with something more than platitudes. How does the pastor mom do it? 

Carefully, one must resist laying a superhuman mantle on her, which brings to mind biblical examples of ordination like the prophetic transfer of blessedness from Elijah to Elisha in 2 Kings. Contrary to Vacation Bible School curricula, the Bible is not a canon of superhero tales but a representation of faithful human beings who loved and followed God through a variety of challenges with the aid, call, and accompaniment of the Holy Spirit.

We know from watching our society uplift and celebrate the work of community heroes like healthcare workers, civil servants, and military veterans that this notion of “hero worship” is an easily accessible way for the public to express awe and appreciation. But it has its shadow side as well; lauding someone as a hero for doing their job or answering their vocation puts up a wall of separation. “I can’t possibly imagine what your life must be like with those kids, this congregation, and the demands of ministry!” Is it that we truly can’t? Or that we choose not to empathize with the many hats pastor moms wear in their daily lives? 

U.S. Americans are in the midst of “The Great Resignation”, a situation in which many workers are leaving their jobs in search of more flexibility, more money, and a stronger sense of value as they contemplate life in the (hopefully) late stages of a pandemic. The healthcare industry feels this pinch particularly hard as nurses stand up and sluff off the superhuman expectations in exchange for some sanity. Before we lose a valuable piece of the church’s leadership, might we embrace a different image for identifying with your pastor who also mothers? 

Not all heroes wear capes, and not all prophets wear sackcloth and ashes. 

Some prophets wear finger paint, smell like garlic from what they put in the crockpot, or are unavailable to you from 3-5 pm in favor of homework and soccer practice. Some carry babies on their hips and the burdens of playground politics in their minds as they lead the people with “energy, intelligence, imagination, and love” as the ordination vows of my tradition require. 

Prophets are not future predictors, nor do mothers really have eyes in the backs of our heads, but both share a common skill set learned through holy experiences: an intuition that invites those around them to choose which way they will go and in what ways their actions will be an expression of their beliefs. 

Common parenting wisdom advises us to present choices to our children: peanut butter and jelly or a ham sandwich; go to the bathroom now or in ten minutes when we leave the house; make your way to bed on your own or I can carry you myself. Choices empower our children to recognize the boundaries of their behavior and act in ways that lead to positive outcomes. 

Wise pastors know that telling the congregation what they should do often circumvents their spiritual growth. A prophet presents choices informed by the will of God: What does the Lord require of us – 10,000 rivers of oil and our firstborn or to do justice, love mercy, and walk humbly with our God (Micah 6:6-8)? Whether calling attention to economic injustice, idol worship, or political corruption, prophets encourage the people to choose each day whom they will serve and let their actions follow suit.

I have yet to encounter a person who has answered God’s call to minister and mother who lacks a sense of God’s presence in her very spinal cord, that stirs her from sleeping like a baby’s cry. I have yet to encounter a pastor mother whose peace does not radiate in the most tearful and anxious moments in congregational life. When she is by your loved one’s bedside, it is as if the very maternal mouthpiece of God abides in the holy transition from earthly life to life abundant. When her tears are close at hand, you know that weeping may linger for the night, but joy comes in the morning. 

Regardless of how she arrived at motherhood, once children are a commitment in the pastor’s life, we put the church’s promises of baptism and spiritual nurture into practice. The rubber meets the road regarding not only the welcome of children at the chancel when they can’t let go of their mama but also the welcome of their tantrums, tummy bugs, and deeper needs that pull adults away from the seemingly urgent but not always important. 

If you are blessed to be led by one of these firm yet tender balancing acts of divine proportions, how has your community committed to the care and keeping of children and the celebration of her gifts? You have a prophet in your midst.