Here I Sit

Post Author: Rune Marie Nielsen

My entire life in ministry has always been at a crossroads. I began as a pastor’s assistant while earning my undergraduate degree in Iowa. My pastor was frequently at odds with our ELCA synod because she openly supported LGBTQ+ initiatives. We were straddling the world of ‘job description’ ministry while also attending to the spiritual needs of individuals who stood in the shadows. 

I chose to attend a seminary in Hong Kong because the ELCA did not support the ordination of clergy with mental illness, and my PTSD diagnosis automatically disqualified me. However, my pastor as well as clergy from other denominations, encouraged me to not give up on my call to ministry. In Hong Kong, my seminary taught students from all over the world and from numerous denominational backgrounds. I was not only navigating the crossroads of different cultures as a student, but also seeking to help my fellow classmates cooperate and grow together as their elected President of the International Student Fellowship. 

On the day of her graduation, Rune stands in the garden of Lutheran Theological Seminary in Hong Kong.

My first internship in seminary was at a church that ministered to refugees and asylum seekers. I learned that immigrants from several nations and continents flocked to Hong Kong for the government’s protection system, though upon arrival most faced immense challenges for survival with the minimal support they received. My ministry was at the crossroads of privileged, visa-sponsored immigrants like myself and unsupported immigrants who were desperate to obtain the right to work and find adequate housing. 

I experienced another cultural shift with my second internship, which placed me with a small congregation that met in a Taoist-style sanctuary built with traditional Chinese architecture. Our Nestorian-inspired Christ Temple congregation included meditation and chanting in our services, reaching out to God with creative devotion borrowed from Taize traditions as well as the Wisdom of the Desert Fathers. By contrast, my third internship was with the Hong Kong Christian Council’s Religious Broadcasting Ministry. I was a radio speaker for religious programs, writing scripts and speaking on devotions, liturgy, and theological topics. I became friends with speakers from other Protestant denominations as well as those who were Orthodox Christians and Catholics who were actively involved in the radio programs. After graduating from seminary, I worked for the radio ministry until my visa expired. Due to political disagreements between the US and China, work visas for American nationals faced complicated restrictions, and I was unable to renew my work visa.

After I returned to the US, I served as a pastor for a university campus ministry and also volunteered as a pastor for contemporary worship at a local church. The students I ministered to were at a crossroads themselves, facing difficult decisions about which major to study, what jobs to seek out, and other choices that would shape their careers and their futures. Their spiritual lives were often just as stressed as their academic ones, and the pandemic only intensified the duality of seeking spiritual wellbeing and preparing to enter an over-saturated job-seeking market.

Proverbs 16:9 reminds us that “The human mind plans the way, but the Lord directs the steps.” (NRSV). Every time I entered a new ministry context, I still held onto assumptions about what my future ministry work would look like, or at least what country I would be living in and the kind of organization I would be serving. I never expected my ministry journey to be so full of surprises! Living at a crossroads means living at the edge of uncertainty, whether it is being launched into a ministry setting you never expected to be serving in or facing a difficult situation in your personal life that has challenged your spirituality. Uncertainty is uncomfortable, but uncertainty is also potential. Embrace the potential for great things to come out of the chaos. When I accepted the unexpected, I embraced the chance for growth and spiritual fulfillment for myself and my faith community.

Unfortunately, the next crossroads I experienced were related to my health conditions. I had to quit my pastor position when I was diagnosed with Conversion Disorder and my fibromyalgia worsened. Since then, I have been on a new journey in my personal life. I now work online assisting businesses, churches and nonprofits with communications while also volunteering for a nonprofit that serves formerly incarcerated and their families. In addition, I volunteer leading an online Bible Study for a small congregation. I attend to the spiritual needs of others online while being at the other end of a prayer in a Zoom call. I’m no longer running to meet with a congregant or dashing up and down church stairs to grab my liturgy notebook for a service. But I am in the familiarity of being at a crossroads that leads to new adventures in Christ. My feet are planted on the carpet of my apartment, serving ministries in sweatpants and a hoodie with holes in it. Here I sit.